I am no one different from any other systematically created Black man. But, I know that I existed before colonization. I am aware genetically I am conditioned and affected in many ways. Like many Black folks I experience chronic blood pressure. Now, that I have a wife and a child on the way I know its important to make a valiant effort in controlling the fear of dying young, much like my father who died from a result of chronic blood pressure at the age of 47 years old.
I am exploring a jog transition to meditative walk all while chanting, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” I remember in United States Air Force basic training we had to sing in cadence while marching double time. It helps to sync the rhythm and harmony of the vibrations of singing, marching, and breathing. I attempt a similar method to enable my body temperature and heart rate to rise in a healthy manner and then transition to a meditative walk to see if I am able to control my heart rate according to the pace of my steps. This morning a public service vehicle interrupted my practice with its giant colored ears on its roof pointing at me in the shadows. I have learned how to decipher the kind of car, Public Service Vehicle vs. POV, while it shares the same path with me according to the approach of the lights and the shadows collaboration with the streetlights.
I saw the service vehicle in the reflection of the darkness painted on the streets. Immediately, I thought to myself, “Dang it I am running. I need to slow down to a walk.” I turn and the vehicle follows me and suddenly a flash of bright lights hit me. I maintain a consistent pace not to alarm the public service vehicle with colored ears. The bright lights return to normal and it turns off into a driveway. I look back and into my peripheral slightly and I am relieved it is only a SUV with red stripes and not blue stripes painted on its sides and tape that reads, “Scottsdale Fire Department.” I continue my practice and return home. I can’t help but beat myself up for allowing fear and societal conditioning to reduce me to thanking a higher being for allowing me to return home alive.
#BlackLivesMatter
Words with Black Yoda 